People who only had penetrative sex had
the smallest rise in blood pressure.
This shows that they coped better with
stress.
Plenty of people find that intimacy or orgasm without penetration helps
them feel relaxed,
as do exercise or meditation...
Being close to your partner can
soothe stress and anxiety. Ambardar says touching and hugging can release your
body's natural “feel-good hormone.” Sexual arousal releases a brain chemical that revs up your brain's
pleasure and reward system. Sex and intimacy can boost your self-esteem and happiness, too,
Ambardar says.
Good sex is a great workout for a woman's pelvic floor muscles – the muscles ... One
of the most important benefits, noted in a recent survey ...
So, whether you're coupled up or flying
solo, check out this list of healthy side effects ofsex: Improved heart health. Just like
any physical activity, healthy sex is good for your heart.
Sex is
not only pleasurable, did you know it's also good for you? It's true. The benefits ofsex range from slashing stress
levels to lowering your ...
You don't really need a reason to
have it, but there are many benefits of sex you
might not know about it. Here, the hidden health perks of great sex.
How love, sex and supportive relationships
can benefit your physical and mental ... and wellbeing, including lowering
blood pressure and coping with stress better.
The health benefits of sex extend well beyond the bedroom.
It can help boost the ... Good
sexual health may mean better physical health. Having sex once or ...
Sexual activity has a number of physical and emotional benefits for men and women alike.
Some good news and some bad news from the
world of sex research
today. First, thegood news: having sexual intercourse several times a ...
If you thought that the only benefit of sex was, well, pleasure, here's
some news for you. Making love is good for adults. And making love ...
Why Women
Say Yes To Sex
Women have needs too, but for many, it is about more than just the
physical act.
What will set you back many steps is when you are far along into a
relationship and cheating occurs.
It goes back to wanting to feel desired and
special - if your partner discovers you are having sex with another woman, she
is bound to feel insecure and unloved. — AFP
By Datuk Dr
Nor Ashikin Mokhtar
TheStar/FitForLife/Sunday, 22 October 2017
WHEN it comes to emotional intimacy, it’s
true that women are wired to need it more than men.
Sex is a way of letting them express and in fact, build intimacy.
While this is important for men too, emotional intimacy is often more of a by-product of intercourse rather than a key motivator.
Hence, there can be a disconnect between
men and women when it comes to sex, and it’s important for the guys to know
that most women need to feel desired and pursued before she can be really into
it.
Scale of sexual desire
Like men, sexual satisfaction as the
motivation behind women having sex is quite obvious. But there is a sexual
desire spectrum related to intellectual stimulation that isn’t always so easy
to identify.
Some types include: sapio-sexual -
individuals who are turned on by intelligence; or demi-sexual - individuals
who do not get turned on by someone unless there is a strong emotional
connection.
Unfortunately, if your partner identifies
as asexual, a person who lacks the desire for sex, then perhaps creative new
ways need to be discovered to encourage intercourse for that person.
Sometimes, me development of an asexual
person is related to a conservative cultural or religious background, or even
past sexual trauma; in which case, tread carefully and do not be insensitive.
Be supportive throughout her journey to a
healthy sexual discovery.
For others whose sexual relationships are
more straightforward, here are a few key reasons why women want to have sex.
It's physical
In a study conducted at the University of
California, Los Angeles, United States, 141 women were asked to observe photos
of shirtless men, then rank them according to attractiveness.
Lean, athletic-looking bodies were seen as
more desirable than both bulky and skinny types.
Women tend to perceive big muscular men as
threatening. It’s possible that spending all the time bulking up is seen as
self-centred, which means she may not get what she wants from you, in terms of
time commitment and attention.
It's the kiss
A kiss is largely a preview to how
intercourse might be with someone, hence why a well-execut- ed smooch could be
the way to "qualifying” for the next stage.
A study published in the journal Evolutionary
Psychology found that women are much less likely to have sex with a bad
kisser.
For that reason, it’s good for guys to be
aware of what women see as a good kiss. From the same study, it was found that
men preferred wetter kisses with more tongue action than females did.
It’s not terribly romantic to feel like a
large dog tongue is slobbering all over you after all. Instead, be a partner
who smells good and does a little caressing while kissing.
The heat of the moment
Cuddling causes a woman’s testosterone to
surge, a recent Canadian study found. The increase in T levels may cause androgen
receptors in her clitoris to switch on, leading to arousal.
How else to get her into the mood? Have a
good sense of humour and your chances increase by 25% - and if you’re looking
for a mate to settle down with, those chances go up by 31%, says a study in the
Journal of Psychology.
The next step in a relationship
After all the wining, dining, wooing and
being seen around town together, the sex is still missing. What’s the next
step? Commitment.
A study published in the Journal of
Sexual Medicine found commitment to be the key to sexual motivation in
women of all ages.
There is no need to get spooked and cut
ties with the woman you’re seeing. Commitment does not mean marriage, but
rather a serious promise of exclusivity that shows an investment in the relationship.
Imagine, if the shoe is on the other foot
and you discover that your girlfriend is dating other men, you will most likely
begin questioning the point of being in a relationship with her.
No one wants to feel like a spare -
showing her that you’re emotionally serious will encourage her to move forward
with the physical aspect.
It's the romantic setting
It may be an old saying, but it rings
true. Plan a romantic getaway to an exotic location and that will win you big
points, but probably not for the reasons you might expect.
The shared intimacy of a couple together
in a strange and exciting new place is what strengthens or
secures a bond.
A 2005 study in the journal Tourism
Management went even further to recommend that couples on vacation
prearrange the services of a local tour guide, which "creates a greater
sense of intimacy and disclosure”.
It's to express love or affection
A study published in the Journal of
Psychoneuroendocrinology found that there are significant hormonal changes
in both men and women when falling in love. Testosterone levels in women rise,
but men’s tend to fall, the study found.
And here’s a tip on the best time to catch
the woman who’s in love with you - after a good weights workout, which also
causes women’s testosterone levels to spike.
Another way to heighten her physical
interest in you is for her to miss you.
An American Psychological Association study
found that travel- related separation creates a surge in hormone levels upon
reunion.
Being in contact during the separation is
important to minimise any negative feelings towards the traveling partner.
It's healing
Endomorphins, a form of pain reliever, is
released during intercourse, which is why some women use sex to feel better
from experiencing migraines, or even period cramps.
If intercourse is a form of relaxation or
recreation, then by all means, each partner should be non-judgemental and
supportive.
Perhaps in time, you will begin to view it
the same way as well.
Other factors that impact female sex drive
The longer the relationship, the deeper
the emotional security, hence why it’s not surprising if a woman wants to have
sex more frequently.
Awkward as it may seem, communicating with
each other on sexual preferences takes the guessing game out of the equation
and allows both of you to get what you want during intercourse.
What will set you back many steps is when
you are far along into a relationship and cheating occurs.
It goes back to wanting to feel desired
and special - if your partner discovers you are having sex with another woman,
she is bound to feel insecure and unloved.
The betrayal opens up your relationship to
very real vulnerabilities, like the fear of contracting a sexually transmitted
disease. If you value your relationship with your wife, think
twice, and twice more again, before you cheat.
Datuk Dr Nor Ashikin Mokhtar is a consultant
obstetrician and gynaecologist. For further information, visit www.primanora. com. The information provided is for* educational and communication
purposes only and it should not be construed as personal medical advice.
Information published in this article is not intended to replace, supplant or
augment a consultation with a health professional regarding the reader's own
medical care. The Star does not
give any warranty on accuracy, completeness, functionality, usefulness or other
assurances as to the content appearing in this column. The Star disclaims all responsibility for any losses, damage to
property or personal injury suffered directly or indirectly from reliance on
such information.
What
motivates sexual activity?
Sex makes
the world go around. At least, it plays a significant part in dating and
relating. Granted, there are natural variations in sexual expression and "appetite".
But, despite what some perspectives might argue, many men and women, of various
ages, cultures, and sexual orientations all are motivated to (at least
occasionally) say yes to sex.
The problem, however, is that each partner may want sex for different reasons. Each may have a different motivation for
saying "yes". When those specific motivations are not addressed and
underlying needs are not met, sex either doesn't occur - or ends up being
dissatisfying. A classic example is the woman who has sex as an expression of
"love and
commitment", being disappointed when she finds her partner has had sex for
only "pleasure". Or, the man who has sex as an expression of his
"desirability and passion", only to be disappointed that his partner
was motivated only by his "resources and social status".
In an effort to help you avoid such disappointments (and, if you
want, persuade your
partner into bed), below I will discuss the research on sexual motivation. You
will learn why people say yes to sex. You will also learn to spot these
motivations - and avoid them, or capitalize on them, as you please. In the end
though, I will leave the decision about which motivations are "right"
and "wrong" for you individually. I'm just reporting the facts...and
helping you reach your own goals.
Why Humans Have Sex
A notable study on sexual motivation was a collaborative work in the
2007 Archives of Sexual Behavior by Cindy Meston (a clinical psychologist and
sex researcher) and David Buss (an evolutionary psychologist). Meston and Buss
(2007) surveyed men and women, in two studies, about the reasons why they had
sex. In the first study, participants reported 237 unique reasons for saying
yes to sexual activity. In the second study, those 237 reasons were categorized
into four large groups, and 13 sub-groups.
So, according to Meston and Buss (2007), people generally say yes to sex
for the following reasons:
Emotional Reasons:
Love and Commitment - to feel connected, to bond, to express love, and to intensify a
relationship.
Expression - to express an emotion to a partner, such as "thank
you" or "I missed you".
Physical Reasons:
Pleasure - to feel good, have fun, and experience orgasm.
Stress Reduction - to relieve frustration, anxiety, and stress.
Physical Desirability - to be sexual with someone who is attractive and desirable
physically.
Experience Seeking - to see what sex is all about, act out
a fantasy, or have an adventure.
Goal Attainment Reasons:
Resources - to obtain something, such as a job, money, or even a child.
Social Status - to be popular, impress friends, or enhance a reputation.
Revenge - to get back at a partner, make someone jealous,
or "rebound" from a relationship.
Utilitarian - to get out of doing something, test compatibility, or even
change the conversation.
Insecurity Reasons:
Self-Esteem Boost - to feel better, powerful, attractive, or get attention.
Duty/Pressure - to fulfill an obligation, expectation, or duty.
Mate Guarding - to get a partner to stay, to promote faithfulness, or prevent a
break-up…
Editor’s say
Sunita Chhabra
Being beautiful inside and out is
something everyone should aspire to. It is not as easy as it sounds as most of
us do have our own inner demons to conquer. It could be envy, anger, ambition,
selfishness, greed, resentment or any other emotion that sometimes makes us do
things that are not admirable.
Achieving outside beauty is not too
difficult nowadays. With the help of the right cosmetics and clothes, anyone
can look attractive.
Surgery is also widely available if
physical beauty is really important to you.
Inner loveliness is actually harder to
achieve and unfortunately, some don't even bother to try. They think that as
long as no one can spot their meanness or their ill-nature, it doesn't matter.
After all, outwardly they know how to behave well, as though they are caring,
compassionate people. What they sadly don't realise is that even though
externally they may look stunning, what's inside does show as well. Whether it
is through their aura or some other mysterious way, people who are ugly inside
will get detected and they will soon find that people start staying away from
them. They may then start blaming everyone and wondering why they are not
well-liked but the solution is not to rant at others but instead find time to
reflect on what is lacking in their own inherent beauty. After that, an effort
has to be made to improve themselves. It is so much easier to say that the
world is unfair or everyone else is being unreasonable or difficult. What is
hard or almost impossible for some to do is to look at the man (or woman) in
the mirror and honestly ask if you are beautiful from your core.
The wonderful thing about inner beauty is
that outer beauty will ultimately fade over time but inner beauty can just grow
and grow ... and this is the very reason that you must invest in this! It can
take you all the way in life to wherever you want to go and whatever you want
to do. Heavenly happiness, unlimited abundance and the joys of paradise await
those with golden hearts both in this world and the next.
Read more…
WHEN it comes to emotional intimacy, it's
true that women are wired to need it more than men. Sex is a way of letting them
express, and in fact, build intimacy.
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vital aspect of who we are, the place where Heaven and Earth come ... That she was saying yes, not only to Sex, but to something else much
bigger, ...
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Jacqueline Hellyer explains why you should come from a place of 'yes.' | Australian Women's Weekly content ...
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Women's sexual right to say “yes” should
be respected, including their ... when it comesto their right to freely enhance and
shape their sexual ...
A classic example is the woman who has sex as an expression of "love
... to Meston and Buss (2007), people generally say yes to sex for the ...
Women are smarter when it comes to dating — they hold all of the cards. ... the caveat that
ultimately, women have the power to say yes or no.
Other references...
Read
more...
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